In the future we'll all be gay
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
