I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
