I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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