everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
