she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
