I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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