Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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