I've blown a few things in my day
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
