Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
