how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
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The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?