my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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