It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
