I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
