today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
