If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
