when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
