She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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