At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
