So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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