i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
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My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
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I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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