I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
