how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
