Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
