I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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