I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
