were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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