i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
