dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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