This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
