My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
