It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
