Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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