i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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