I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
