I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
