I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
