you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
only you would photoshop your dick
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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