You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
