my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
