We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
