HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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