sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
