So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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