Where is the hickey?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
