there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
