Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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