I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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