a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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