"it" just moved
it wasn't lemon gatorade
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
