I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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