saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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