I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
