I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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