I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
