Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't want my vagina anymore.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
