It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
