u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
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I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
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i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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