He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
