so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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