My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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