Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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