Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
