I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
