just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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