you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
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I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
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But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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