she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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