Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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