Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
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I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
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Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I had to cum in my sink.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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