he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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