there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
