Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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