im six kinds of drunk right now
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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