Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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