There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
