I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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