I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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