Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
