How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
