I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
