I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
